Suffering and Hope

Life continues to be a strange dichotomy of pain and joy, suffering and hope.  The current public examples are found with the movie theater shooting in Aurora and the London Olympics.  I love the hope and individual achievement of the Olympics and while ABC Sports made “the agony of defeat” a famous slogan, we all know that none of the extraordinary athletes competing at the Olympics are really losers.  I’m inspired by watching most every event.  The Aurora shooting on the other hand has been almost more than I can bear.  There have been times where I’ve been somehow interested in the news of public tragedy.  I’m not sure of the internal drivers for such whether voyeuristic curiosity or heartfelt desire to understand and somehow help.  This time, I just wanted to stay away knowing in that I just wasn’t in a place to move into that kind of hurt if I didn’t have to.  Sounds selfish as I type it, but I’m not surprised as God uses more and more of life to reveal selfishness I didn’t know I had.
  

My hope and desire for healing was also recently turned on its head, revealing something not so wonderful.  A couple weeks ago a believer challenged me with these words; “For many years I've been confused at the seeming paradox of Christians with health issues wanting to get healed so more time can be spent in this life.”  And “why are "we" so intent on finding a way to spend more time in this flawed sinful world?!?!”  Good question and I think the answer is that many of us are trying to create our own little “heaven on earth” rather than seeking and desiring God’s kingdom.  I must admit that I want to be healthy; I want to be comfortable, I want to “store up” resources to try to insulate myself and those I love from need and from pain.  Oh Father, forgive me…  as I know the very core of these desires is the homing beacon you’ve put inside of me, a desire for you and your kingdom, but I’m so quick to work toward fleeting counterfeits. 

Three weeks ago I was pouting about having to live the next year waiting and continuing to be dependent on God to keep my tumor in check.  How foolish and selfish of me.  Since then God has reminded me that I am daily dependent and that it’s not about my comfort here on earth. This time God used our pastor to remind me.  Reading from Luke 9:23-25, Jesus said “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me.  If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost or destroyed?”  Deny myself and pick up my cross.  We all have our own cross to bear and crosses are about suffering.  Why did Jesus deny himself and carry his cross?  At least some of the reasons include the knowledge that God is in control, God is good and that hope would be assured for all of us.     

Since then I’ve been reminded about many of the realities and references of day to day living.  Moment by moment we’re dependent on the beating of our lungs and heart, each day we need food, water, sleep, to clean and be cleaned.  I’m not sure what is worse, that we take these for granted or willfully choose to forget our dependence.  Of course these are obvious physical needs, but I believe they are also reflections of the spiritual; our daily need for spiritual food, rest and cleansing.  Thankfully, the Bible is so full of reminders and encouragements to trust in God daily including Exodus 16 (Manna) and Matthew 6 (Lord’s Prayer, rust and birds of the air). 

With all that’s going on, I’m more and more convinced that both the Kingdom of God is near and that we need to be more like Jesus; deny ourselves, bear our individual suffering and share the hope of God with others.  It’s a tall order for life, but thankfully we’re only called to do so today.   Just today… with God’s help we can endure some suffering and offer hope today (and thankfully we don't even need to worry about tomorrow (Matt 6:34)).